Affirmations are popular, but they are also easy to dismiss. Repeating “I am confident and successful” in the mirror can feel silly, and for some people it can even feel worse. Let us look at what is known, and how to use them honestly.
What the research suggests
Two ideas often get mixed together. Self-affirmation theory, developed by psychologist Claude Steele, is about reflecting on your core values, such as kindness or creativity, which can help people respond more openly to stress and criticism. Separately, a 2009 study by Joanne Wood and colleagues found that repeating positive statements such as “I am a lovable person” could make some people with low self-esteem feel worse, perhaps because the statement felt untrue. Research is mixed, and results depend on the person and the wording.
Why some affirmations backfire
When a statement is too far from what you currently believe, your mind argues back: “That is not true.” The result can be more self-criticism.
Choose believable statements
| Hard to believe | More believable |
|---|---|
| “I love myself completely.” | “I am learning to be kinder to myself.” |
| “I am totally over them.” | “I am allowed to heal at my own pace.” |
| “Everything is perfect.” | “I can hold pain and hope at the same time.” |
Connect them to values and actions
Instead of just repeating a phrase, link it to something you do. If your statement is “I deserve rest”, follow it by taking ten real minutes to rest. Ask yourself which values matter most to you and write a few sentences about a time you lived them.
How to practise
- Pick one statement that feels slightly stretching but possible.
- Say or write it once or twice a day.
- Notice your reaction. If it feels false, soften the wording.
- Pair it with a small action.
Limits
Affirmations are not a treatment for depression or trauma. If low self-worth is persistent and painful, please speak with a counsellor.
Try some
Two different ideas get mixed together
When people talk about affirmations, they often mean two different things. The first is the familiar practice of repeating positive phrases, such as “I am confident” or “I deserve love”. The second comes from self-affirmation theory in psychology, associated with Claude Steele and later researchers such as Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman. In those studies, people reflect on their core values, such as family, creativity or kindness, and this seems to make them less defensive when facing threats to their self-image. These are not the same, and the evidence for them differs.
Why “I am amazing” can backfire
A well-known 2009 study by Joanne Wood and colleagues found that people with low self-esteem who repeated positive self-statements sometimes felt worse afterwards, while people with high self-esteem benefited slightly. A plausible reason is that when a statement is too far from what you believe, your mind argues with it, and the contrast makes the doubt louder. This is why a believable affirmation tends to work better than a dramatic one.
From unbelievable to believable: examples
- Instead of “I love my body”, try “My body has carried me through hard days, and I can treat it with respect.”
- Instead of “I am completely over them”, try “I am learning to feel better, a little at a time.”
- Instead of “I am a success”, try “I am doing something difficult, and I am allowed to be proud of small steps.”
- Instead of “Everyone loves me”, try “I am worthy of kindness, including from myself.”
A values-based practice that tends to feel more real
- Choose a value that matters to you, such as honesty, care or courage.
- Write a few sentences about why it matters and a time you acted on it.
- Notice what you could do this week that fits that value.
This practice connects words to action, which is where change happens. It is also easier to believe, because it is based on something you have actually done.
Making affirmations part of a routine
Keep them few and specific. Say them aloud or write them, ideally at a regular moment such as brushing teeth. Notice your reaction. If a phrase triggers an argument in your head, rewrite it. Pair the words with a small action, because behaviour gives the words evidence. Our Self-Love Affirmation Generator can offer starting points to adapt.
What affirmations cannot do
They cannot replace treatment for depression or anxiety, repair a harmful relationship, or remove the need to change a situation. If low mood lasts for weeks or you feel hopeless, please speak with a doctor or counsellor. In the US you can call or text 988, and findahelpline.com lists services worldwide. Our guide to practising self-love places affirmations alongside other approaches.
Common questions
How often should I say them?
Once or twice a day for a short time is plenty. Quality and believability matter more than repetition.
Should I say them in the mirror?
Only if that feels bearable. Some people find the mirror powerful, others find it uncomfortable. Writing them down works just as well.
Our Self-Love Affirmation Generator offers gentle, realistic statements. Save the ones that feel true and return to them on harder days. You can also read our guide on practising self-love.